Wow, this started as a blog about my new role as an empty-nester and has suddenly changed a little.
Although maybe not that much since it also began as a look at weight gain/loss and finding out who I am.
That's why I find myself wondering about the old thought of us eating our feelings or pain. I am overwieght, that is a fact. What could be debated is the why behind it. Obviously, once becomes overweight when the amount of calories consumed surpasses the amount of calories burned but I am not talking about that. I am talking about what causes the cause to happen. Oh I am sure there are plenty of people out there who will gladly tell you that people who are overweight are obviously lazy and eat everything in sight. Those people are wrong. I am not lazy nor have I ever been. When my children were young, I was very active with them and made sure that our days were filled with activity. I also kept my house cleaned and volunteered. As they got older, I took on a very physical job because it was the only thing available to me that would allow me to work around their schedules. Even today, I stay active and volunteers often but yet, my weight has always been too much and continues to grow. So I am not lazy.
Do I eat all of the time? No, I don't think that I eat more than others but then again I have heard of unaware eating. This is eating without really being aware or eating more than one is aware of. Maybe that is what happens...however, even when I was on a restricitve diet and wrote down everything I ate, weight still did not come off.
That is why I think there is more to it. I think that there is something to our emotions manifesting in a physical way. I think that all of the childhood issues and current issues that I deal with literally weigh on me. I think that until I can release my memories and pain and emotions and true feelings, I will continue to have this wall of weight around me no matter what I eat or how much I exercise. I know that people will disagree with me but I believe that it is all connected.
My cousin keeps pushing me towards therapy and I know she is right but I also am fearful. I believe in therapy and counsel my client families. For me though, I am afraid because the wall has been up for so long, the silence has been ingrained for so long. I am also afraid because I don't know where to begin or if I should tell everything. I am also afraid because I have been damaged, stunted, incomplete for so long that I fear changing that. I know that sounds crazy but you get very used to the way things are even if the way they are is wrong. I do plan to contact the weight loss center and get signed on but I fear whether I will have results or not if I don't deal with the underlying issues.
I will try.
I will try.
No comments:
Post a Comment