I caught myself thinking last night about things that go out of fashion and I wondered if kindness is in that category. Now this thought isn't quite as random as it sounds. This musing was actually fueled by the observations I have made of people. There is a man in my church choir who is always saying unkind things and acting in an unkind manner. There is a woman at my work who overreacts to every situation and as a result, acts very unkindly. I encounter people almost every day who act in unkind ways, sometimes obliviously and sometimes purposefully. Why? Not only is being unkind a waste of one's energy but it is so destructive! I understand that things fall out of fashion all of the time but can kindness really be one of those things? It takes so little to be kind and yet it means so much. Perhaps if we just each took a moment before we reacted and chose to react more kindly, we could really change a situation. For instance, the woman at work I mentioned, I really want to be rather aloof to her because of how she behaves but instead I make the decision to be kind and upbeat. My hope is that she will begin to model this behavior back to me. I am beginning to see the tiniest indication that perhaps this is working. Here is my wish, that everyone put just a little more kindness into their actions and see what spreads. It is up to each of us to keep kindness from going out of style.
I know, you are thinking, what does this have to do with my original blog theme...I think kindness is, or should be, a part of everything. Kindness people!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
25% Ain't Half...Bad!
When I began this process, I decided that I wasn't going to overwhelm myself with the huge, big picture goals. I decided to set smaller goals that seemed easier to handle. When it comes to weight loss, I am setting the true goal of 20 pounds. My plan is that once I reach that goal, I will assess how I feel and look and then decide if another goal is needed.
Well, after one week of the 6-week Body Makeover plan, I am down 5 pounds! Woo! Let's take a moment to celebrate that!
That means that I am 1/4 of the way to my goal. Now doesn't that sound better than looking at some huge overwhelming goal? I realize that I can't lose 5 pounds every week and, of course, I realize that the likelihood of setting many new weight loss goals in the future is pretty much 100%, but if we don't accept and celebrate each victory, no matter the size, then how can we ever stay encouraged enough to truly attain all of our goals including the big picture ones?
Even better, I checked more fully into the plan and refreshed my memory with it all and realized there are so many vegetables that are considered freebies and balsamic vinegar (even the flavored ones) is perfectly fine. I am already planning the glazes that I can now put on chicken!
I guess the bottom line here is that I have to celebrate each step towards a better me. Even if this 5 pounds is not noticed by anyone but me, I must celebrate it. I remember getting frustrated once before when I had lost about 20 pounds and my daughter had lost about 8. Everyone noticed and remarked on her loss and no one, not one single person, even noticed mine. I realized, even then, that it is easier to notice an 8 pound loss on someone who only needs to lose about 10 or 12 than it is to notice a 20 pound loss on someone who needs to a lot more than that. Even knowing this, it was hard not to become discouraged.
That's why this will be different. Even though I am an extrovert, which by definition means I need outside stimulation, this time I will call on myself for the encouragement and celebration needed.
I believe that is part of what this new journey of mine is about, to learn to focus on me and let how I feel be enough.
I can't promise that I can report a 5 pound loss every week (wouldn't that be awesome!) but I will report a loss. I am also adding in exercise this week in the form of bike riding and some boxing on my heavy bag.
So yeah, reaching 25% of my goal ain't half but it ain't half bad either!
Well, after one week of the 6-week Body Makeover plan, I am down 5 pounds! Woo! Let's take a moment to celebrate that!
That means that I am 1/4 of the way to my goal. Now doesn't that sound better than looking at some huge overwhelming goal? I realize that I can't lose 5 pounds every week and, of course, I realize that the likelihood of setting many new weight loss goals in the future is pretty much 100%, but if we don't accept and celebrate each victory, no matter the size, then how can we ever stay encouraged enough to truly attain all of our goals including the big picture ones?
Even better, I checked more fully into the plan and refreshed my memory with it all and realized there are so many vegetables that are considered freebies and balsamic vinegar (even the flavored ones) is perfectly fine. I am already planning the glazes that I can now put on chicken!
I guess the bottom line here is that I have to celebrate each step towards a better me. Even if this 5 pounds is not noticed by anyone but me, I must celebrate it. I remember getting frustrated once before when I had lost about 20 pounds and my daughter had lost about 8. Everyone noticed and remarked on her loss and no one, not one single person, even noticed mine. I realized, even then, that it is easier to notice an 8 pound loss on someone who only needs to lose about 10 or 12 than it is to notice a 20 pound loss on someone who needs to a lot more than that. Even knowing this, it was hard not to become discouraged.
That's why this will be different. Even though I am an extrovert, which by definition means I need outside stimulation, this time I will call on myself for the encouragement and celebration needed.
I believe that is part of what this new journey of mine is about, to learn to focus on me and let how I feel be enough.
I can't promise that I can report a 5 pound loss every week (wouldn't that be awesome!) but I will report a loss. I am also adding in exercise this week in the form of bike riding and some boxing on my heavy bag.
So yeah, reaching 25% of my goal ain't half but it ain't half bad either!
Friday, April 1, 2011
How Long Does It Take To Empty a Nest Anyway?
As I mentioned before, I am currently in the introductory phase of the empty nest. However, I am wondering just how long it takes to empty a nest.
It is not that I am in a hurry to get rid of my oldest and newly married daughter. The truth of the matter is that I miss having her down the hall and our evenings spent together but I am also excited about the prospect of having my home office back with a true workspace and I also find that I have been getting more rest by going to bed a little earlier.
The home office I mention continues to be a work in progress, held in limbo somewhere between an office, a bedroom, and a mess! I guess my office condition is kind of a metaphor for me right now as well. I am caught between being a mom, a wife, and yes, a mess.
Perhaps that is why this transition of the empty nest office is taking the course that it is, to teach me a lesson about my future. This office space has things that must be thrown out or given away for good, it must be redesigned and furnished, it has things in it that must be released, it has emptiness and it has promise.
I like to think that is what my journey involves as well. There are things I must throw out that have been cluttering my psyche for far too long. These things of old have acted as barriers to my evolution, hampering my courage and confidence. There are things that I need to give away such as knowledge, friendship, and control. I bring knowledge to my clients who need it and know that I must do this more.
I have spent so many years being a mom, just living until the next milestone, that I forgot to live every day for what it is and to find and cultivate friendships. Friendship is so important and I have forgotten to give that away. My new life requires a new design and new furnishings. I need to figure out what this new blueprint will look like. As for new furnishings, well, I spent so many years making sure that everyone else came first that I hardly made a purchase of any clothing for myself that wasn't on sale, or rather on clearance. I realize I really need to refurnish myself through a decent wardrobe. I really do want to project who I am, or plan to be, on the outside. I also need to release a lot of things, not the least of which is the extra weight I have been carrying.
So I guess the bedroom to office, full-nest to empty-nest, transformation is teaching me that everything is a process and not a singular act. This is something I tell my clients all of the time but it is sinking in for me today. We tend to not reach our goals because they seem so overwhelming.
Loosing all of the pounds I need to is mind-boggling! I can't do that is what my mind screams. Yet if I think of it as a transformative process where I set a goal of losing 20 pounds, not 20 then 20 then 20, etc., but truly make my goal to lose 20 pounds and then see how life feels. The process then doesn't seem so overwhelming. If, instead of placing all of these big picture goals before myself with the pressure that comes with them, I place small goals in each area and truly appreciate reaching those small goals, then maybe the process becomes a little more doable.
So that is what I have decided to do, treat my life transformation the same way we are treating the office transformation, one small step at a time. I will enjoy each goal reached and decide then if a new goal is needed.
So how long does it take to empty a nest...as long as it takes! Everything is a process.
It is not that I am in a hurry to get rid of my oldest and newly married daughter. The truth of the matter is that I miss having her down the hall and our evenings spent together but I am also excited about the prospect of having my home office back with a true workspace and I also find that I have been getting more rest by going to bed a little earlier.
The home office I mention continues to be a work in progress, held in limbo somewhere between an office, a bedroom, and a mess! I guess my office condition is kind of a metaphor for me right now as well. I am caught between being a mom, a wife, and yes, a mess.
Perhaps that is why this transition of the empty nest office is taking the course that it is, to teach me a lesson about my future. This office space has things that must be thrown out or given away for good, it must be redesigned and furnished, it has things in it that must be released, it has emptiness and it has promise.
I like to think that is what my journey involves as well. There are things I must throw out that have been cluttering my psyche for far too long. These things of old have acted as barriers to my evolution, hampering my courage and confidence. There are things that I need to give away such as knowledge, friendship, and control. I bring knowledge to my clients who need it and know that I must do this more.
I have spent so many years being a mom, just living until the next milestone, that I forgot to live every day for what it is and to find and cultivate friendships. Friendship is so important and I have forgotten to give that away. My new life requires a new design and new furnishings. I need to figure out what this new blueprint will look like. As for new furnishings, well, I spent so many years making sure that everyone else came first that I hardly made a purchase of any clothing for myself that wasn't on sale, or rather on clearance. I realize I really need to refurnish myself through a decent wardrobe. I really do want to project who I am, or plan to be, on the outside. I also need to release a lot of things, not the least of which is the extra weight I have been carrying.
So I guess the bedroom to office, full-nest to empty-nest, transformation is teaching me that everything is a process and not a singular act. This is something I tell my clients all of the time but it is sinking in for me today. We tend to not reach our goals because they seem so overwhelming.
Loosing all of the pounds I need to is mind-boggling! I can't do that is what my mind screams. Yet if I think of it as a transformative process where I set a goal of losing 20 pounds, not 20 then 20 then 20, etc., but truly make my goal to lose 20 pounds and then see how life feels. The process then doesn't seem so overwhelming. If, instead of placing all of these big picture goals before myself with the pressure that comes with them, I place small goals in each area and truly appreciate reaching those small goals, then maybe the process becomes a little more doable.
So that is what I have decided to do, treat my life transformation the same way we are treating the office transformation, one small step at a time. I will enjoy each goal reached and decide then if a new goal is needed.
So how long does it take to empty a nest...as long as it takes! Everything is a process.
Hello World
This is my first blog although I am a veteran at journals and notebooks. I felt like it was time, time for a lot of things. Allow me to give you a brief introduction to who I am. Who I am has always been defined by who I am in relation to someone else. The first part of my life defined me as someone's daughter. When I got married I became defined as someone's wife and the majority of my life has been defined as being someone's mother.
Don't get me wrong, I love being a wife and being a mother has always been such a privilege and joy but I now find myself in an interesting situation, unsure of how to define myself. I graduated from college less than a year ago (a slow but sweet degree course). My youngest daughter is living away from home and my oldest daughter just got married and moved out with her new husband. This new situation is how I came up with the address name for my blog, Empty Nest...Full Belly.
I find myself living in a house alone with my husband, something I haven't done in 25 years and I am just a little unsure on how we go from here. This is the empty nest part of it. The full belly part of it is that I also find myself pretty overweight. How I got here is a combination of things from unresolved childhood traumas to stress eating to habit but all of that tracks back to me not really knowing how to put myself first and be a little selfish. I guess that is what this blog will be about.
It will be about how one fills an empty nest with new marital connections and new connections with other people. It will be about finding my way with my new degree and attempting to make a difference in the life of families and people in general. It will be about my journey towards a healthier and smaller body. It will also most likely be about things I am passionate about or things that I feel are holding weight or anxiety on me. It will be about me, the me I am prepared to find. I am excited about the journey and excited to share it. Who knows, maybe my journey can help someone else along their path. So yes, hello world, this is me.
Shall we discover together who I am?
Don't get me wrong, I love being a wife and being a mother has always been such a privilege and joy but I now find myself in an interesting situation, unsure of how to define myself. I graduated from college less than a year ago (a slow but sweet degree course). My youngest daughter is living away from home and my oldest daughter just got married and moved out with her new husband. This new situation is how I came up with the address name for my blog, Empty Nest...Full Belly.
I find myself living in a house alone with my husband, something I haven't done in 25 years and I am just a little unsure on how we go from here. This is the empty nest part of it. The full belly part of it is that I also find myself pretty overweight. How I got here is a combination of things from unresolved childhood traumas to stress eating to habit but all of that tracks back to me not really knowing how to put myself first and be a little selfish. I guess that is what this blog will be about.
It will be about how one fills an empty nest with new marital connections and new connections with other people. It will be about finding my way with my new degree and attempting to make a difference in the life of families and people in general. It will be about my journey towards a healthier and smaller body. It will also most likely be about things I am passionate about or things that I feel are holding weight or anxiety on me. It will be about me, the me I am prepared to find. I am excited about the journey and excited to share it. Who knows, maybe my journey can help someone else along their path. So yes, hello world, this is me.
Shall we discover together who I am?
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